Day 19 - I don't want to.

I did get up and exercise on Friday and I weighed in at the usual. I just didn't blog because as the day went on I felt more and more ill, so I never did get around to blogging for the day.  Saturday morning was much of the same. In the afternoon we headed to Lethbridge. I spent two hours or so with the kids, walking around one of my favourite places in Lethbridge. Indian Battle Park, it's down by the river. The weather was nice and warm and most of the snow is melted away. There were plenty of puddles and mud for the kids to stomp around it.

This morning, I didn't want to do this anymore. I wanted to be done. I wanted to give up. I hated it, and hated not seeing the numbers on the scale change. Once again the scale read 266.6lbs this morning. I hate maintaining. I can do that without getting up early every morning to work out. If I am getting up every morning to work out, I want to see numbers change. I want to be able to see that it's worth it. It's not like I don't have weight to loose, there is plenty of that. So why can't I loose it? I know the bit about muscle weighing more than fat, so don't feed me that line. I've gone through this frustration before. It's always the same. And I am pretty sure it is what brings me to a halt every time. It is so hard to stay motivated when the numbers on the scale refuse to budge. I know it's only been 19 days (this time). But I am terrified that this is going to end up like every other time and weeks down the road, I'll step on the scale and it will still say 266.6lbs. And then the 100 days will be up, and then what? What I want is that there will be a significant change in those numbers, like by 10 or more so that I can say "look what a difference this made! If I keep this up, I'll be at my goal in no time!" But what happens if I don't get that 10 difference? Nothing. I'll be frustrated and not want to keep going. What's the point? I'm obviously doomed to be this size in spite of my best efforts. Negative talk, negative talk, negative talk....enough.

So because I didn't measure myself on Friday, I did it today.

Arms 14"
Chest 50.25"
waist 49.5"
hip 53.25"
thigh 30.5"
calf 16"

I also added 2 and did 16 pushups today.