Day 19 - I don't want to.

I did get up and exercise on Friday and I weighed in at the usual. I just didn't blog because as the day went on I felt more and more ill, so I never did get around to blogging for the day.  Saturday morning was much of the same. In the afternoon we headed to Lethbridge. I spent two hours or so with the kids, walking around one of my favourite places in Lethbridge. Indian Battle Park, it's down by the river. The weather was nice and warm and most of the snow is melted away. There were plenty of puddles and mud for the kids to stomp around it.

This morning, I didn't want to do this anymore. I wanted to be done. I wanted to give up. I hated it, and hated not seeing the numbers on the scale change. Once again the scale read 266.6lbs this morning. I hate maintaining. I can do that without getting up early every morning to work out. If I am getting up every morning to work out, I want to see numbers change. I want to be able to see that it's worth it. It's not like I don't have weight to loose, there is plenty of that. So why can't I loose it? I know the bit about muscle weighing more than fat, so don't feed me that line. I've gone through this frustration before. It's always the same. And I am pretty sure it is what brings me to a halt every time. It is so hard to stay motivated when the numbers on the scale refuse to budge. I know it's only been 19 days (this time). But I am terrified that this is going to end up like every other time and weeks down the road, I'll step on the scale and it will still say 266.6lbs. And then the 100 days will be up, and then what? What I want is that there will be a significant change in those numbers, like by 10 or more so that I can say "look what a difference this made! If I keep this up, I'll be at my goal in no time!" But what happens if I don't get that 10 difference? Nothing. I'll be frustrated and not want to keep going. What's the point? I'm obviously doomed to be this size in spite of my best efforts. Negative talk, negative talk, negative talk....enough.

So because I didn't measure myself on Friday, I did it today.

Arms 14"
Chest 50.25"
waist 49.5"
hip 53.25"
thigh 30.5"
calf 16"

I also added 2 and did 16 pushups today.

Day 16

Today's weight, taken at 7:20am, 266.8lbs. I don't think the piece of cheesecake that my hubby brought home for me last night and I ate at 1am helped out at all with my effort to make that number drop. BUT I hadn't seen him since early (like 3am) Saturday last week. He was away on business in Niagara falls. He got home late and we stayed up way to late. I wasn't going to get up this morning, but Kathryn got up and so then I made myself get out of bed. I am so going to need a nap today.

See you tomorrow.

Day 15 - False hope

So this morning at 6, before I started my work out, I stepped on the scale and it read 264.4lbs. I was almost ecstatic, until I thought of the fact that your weight fluctuates during the day, and usually I don't weigh myself until after I have done my work out. So at 8am, after my work out and after breakfast I stepped on the scale, and guess what popped up....yep that same ol' number 266.6lbs. Bummer.

Everything else went well today. Today I did 14 pushups. I was supposed to add 2, but I just couldn't get past 14...in fact I barely made it to 14. So I'll stick it out here a few more days.

see you tomorrow.

Day 14

It was so hard to get out of bed this morning. Finishing my workout last night at 11pm and not getting to bed until after midnight might have something to do with it.

Today's weight is 266.6lbs taken at 8am. Seem to be stuck in the 266 range. Will have to make a greater effort at thinking about what I am eating and watching portion sizes. It would be really great to see those numbers drop...even just a little bit, and on a regular basis.

Getting out of bed this morning, I thought of how nice it would be if this was easy. If like I just woke up one morning, and BAM, I had lost 15 pounds. And then that just kept happening over and over again until suddenly I was at my ideal weight.

But it ain't gonna happen, so I just gotta keep going.

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Just saw this on pinterest. A good reminder for me on this day.

Day 13

This morning at 7:30 when I stepped on the scale it read 266.6lbs, holding steady...lets see if we can get those numbers to drop this week.

It's 11:20pm and I am just finishing up my work out for the day. I was a lazy bum and refused to get out of bed this morning. But I vowed I would still do my work out today. So there, it's done. I haven't been happy with my ab exercises. I haven't yet felt like they have got a real work out. So it changed it up a bit tonight, and they certainly feel like they got a work out. They may even ache a bit in the morning. So I'll keep up the routine. I also tried a new video that was a 20 minute circuit training work out. I've never done it before so I felt pretty awkward and uncoordinated, but I think I'll get the hang of it. Even with all my awkwardness, I still worked up a good sweat.

The DVD's that I've been using are Shelly Mcdonald's Caribbean Workout, the Aerobics and today the Abs Buns and Thighs. I also use the SparkPeople's Cardio Blast with Coach Nicole. Kathryn really likes this one because it is a lot easier to follow.

Day 12

Today's weight taken at 7:30am is 266.8lbs

Got up even though I didn't want to. I wanted to mope in bed because I miss my hubby. But I got up and was glad I did after I got going. I think that I need to start getting up at 6 instead of 6:15. I know it's just 15 minutes, so it shouldn't be a big deal. But I am not a morning person, so 15 of sleep is always welcome. But I need a little more time to get a little more in. I kinda felt like I cut things short this morning, but I had to get on with the morning and get kids ready for school. So right now I am resetting my alarm to wake me up at 6am.

Today I added 2 to my pushups. That brings me to 14. It was a bit tricky getting those extra two in, but I was able to do it. Slow and steady.

Tonight as I type this, I am dying for a snack. I just have the munchies and I keep thinking about what I could go get to munch on. I just went grocery shopping, so there are all kinds of things to snack on. And most of them are even healthy, but it is 10pm, and part of this challenge is to not eat after dinner, except on cheat day.

See you tomorrow.

Day 11 - This is me now

Alright, I thought I'd better post a picture of me at the beginning of my 100 day challenge so that I have something to compare with at the end of this challenge. Hopefully we'll be able to see some improvement.

Ugh! So here I am in my work out gear(and yes there are still Christmas decorations up...I have no good excuse for it, they are just there). Not great. I could list off a bunch of things that I don't like about this picture of me, but instead, I'm going to force myself to say something nice...

1. I like my smile, I always have, even just this half smile here, I like it. I was actually in the beginning stages of sticking my tongue out at my oldest daughter who is taking the picture.
2. I like my boobs. All thanks to a great bra. At least they don't look like I've had 5 kids.
3. I really like how I look in these glasses, I like how they accentuate my eyes without having to put any makeup on.