New Plan

OK, so I've been struggling to find a new plan that is going to work for me. I told myself that when the kids were back in school and we were back in a routine that it would be easy to get up and go jogging in the morning. But guess what? It's dark at 6:30am. I know that I could get up and ride my bike down stairs, or do a work out DVD, but I am not a morning person, and I just can't get myself out of bed.  So while I was sewing the other night I came up with a new plan that I'm pretty sure is easy to follow and is something that I can totally do. I have to get up at 7am to get kids fed and out the door for school. So instead of just staying in my pajamas, on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday I'll get up and put my jogging clothes on and my jogging shoes. Once the kids are off to school I will head out with just the two youngest in the chariot and go for a run/walk.  This will work out perfect for a few reasons. 1) it is always light out by the time the kids go to school. 2) I haven't yet started on any projects so I don't have to stop what I am doing to go for a jog. 3) the weather is cooling off so it isn't too hot and hopefully fall will last a really long time and I can keep this up well into November. On Monday and Wednesday when Kymberly is off at pre-K and James is napping I'll do some strength training. I'll just have to commit myself to that time...for ME and use it for strength training. This might be a little trickier. I know that there will always be a thousand other things that I'll want to use with that time, but I'm going to have to put up a fight with myself.

Today was my first day on my new plan. I got up and got dressed in my jogging stuff, and followed through as planned. WOW, it is a lot harder to jog pushing a chariot. And I had to change my route. The old route wasn't safe for pushing a chariot with kids, the road is too narrow. The new route includes a long slow incline of a hill. It's a nice new challenge. I actually did a lot better than I thought I would(especially considering that I haven't jogged in nearly a month). And hopefully soon, I will have my new rhythm pushing the chariot and that will become less awkward. All in all it was a good run and I truly look forward to Thursday's run.

some other measurements

above bust 44.75"
under bust 40.5"
that roll of fat between my bust and my waist 45.5"
just below my hips and under that roll of fat 47.5"

progress

Stopped at Walmart to do some back to school shopping this past weekend. I also took the time to try on a pair of shorts. I grabbed the size that I usually buy and a size smaller...just in case. I ended up buying the smaller size, and even then it was a little big in the waist. So there you have it, even if the scale is not shedding the numbers as quickly as I would like, something is happening somewhere on this body of mine for the better.

In other news I started speed training today. Now that I've ran a 5K race, I want to try to get faster. So that is my new goal. But to be successful I am going to have to actually get up and go jogging more than once a week. So here is to a better week.

In other other news I thought I would take my measurements and compare them to the ones I posted at the beginning of this blog.

Today                                Last March

Waist 45"                           Waist 46"
Hips 50.5"                          Hips 51"
Bust 48"                             Bust 49"
Weight 239lbs                    Weight 247lbs

You can find the post with the original numbers here.

Walking/jogging/cycling across Canada

I've decided that I am going to walk/jog or cycle across Canada.  Well, not physically. But I am going to start keeping track of how far I have walked/jogged or cycled and use the Trans Canada website to help me track my progress. I need something to work for. Since I have finished training and was successful at running in the Bonanza day 5K road race, I have found it hard to keep up the motivation and keep up with my jogging and such. I don't know if this will work. But I think it will be fun trying. Is it cheating if I log all the km that I have already walked/jogged over the past few months that I have been training? Well if it is, I guess I am a cheater, because I worked really hard on those km's and I think that they should count. That's a total of 288km already walked/jogged or cycled...only a million(or less) to go!

Race Day!!!

Today I ran my first real 5K road race. IT WAS AWESOME! My two oldest girls, Kathryn and Tansley, ran with me. I was running beside another lady right at the end, and it was great to have someone to run against. It made me really pick up my pace and push through to the end. As a result I finished the race 3 minutes faster than I have ever done it. At the finish line there was my handsome hubby and the two younger kiddies. He had a bouquet of flowers and a chocolate bar for me! The whole things was amazing.
Our times were
Kathryn 37:51
Tansley 38:05
Me 38:29

It was a good morning!

I'm a bad girl

I didn't get up and go jogging or biking this morning...for the third morning in a row. I had no good excuse this morning. Not a single one....I told myself that I would be delivering flyers with the girls so that would count...lame I know. I PROMISE that I will get up tomorrow and jog.

My new jogging buddies

This morning my two girls came with me jogging. They wanted to see if they could jog a 5K. Somebody put it in there mind that maybe they should run the Bonanza day race with me. I have mixed feelings about that. I don't want to discourage them, but I also am afraid that I'll feel obligated to keep with them if they slow down. I really want to just run this race like I normally would run. I plan to start running the race every year and I want to see my improvement. Daniel says if I explain to them that I won't be by their side the whole time they'll be fine. There will be plenty of others on the route. I hope he's right. Although I may not have to worry. They did both finish ahead of me today, but then I also walked when ever they felt like they needed to walk. I would have preferred to just try and run it all again today, but it was their first day. I think next time I will run the entire thing and see how they do. I'll tell them they can walk when they need to, but that I am just going to do it like I normally would and we'll see how that goes for them. I'm proud of them though, for wanting to try and for doing such a great job this morning.

35 minutes...seriously, it's true!

Today's training was to run for 35 minutes. I honestly didn't think that was going to be possible. So I told myself that I knew I could jog a full mile(12 min) so I would do that first and if I felt like I could keep going I would. Well I just kept going. When I got out the the half way mark I walked for 30 seconds, to check my watch and to take in the fact that I had just jogged for 19 minutes and 21 seconds. I then resumed jogging and didn't stop until I had completed 35 minutes, a total of 4.42km(2.75miles). That's just short of my 5k goal.

What an accomplishment! I feel amazing. At times I didn't think that I was going to be able to do it, but I stuck to it, worked through the pain, and here I am. I have another two weeks before the race. I have no doubts that by then I'll be able to jog a full 5K. This is seriously amazing stuff!!!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today I ran a mile with out stopping. One full mile. I ran it in exactly 12 minutes. A 12 min mile...not super fast...but I wouldn't have been able to do it a couple of months ago. So it's an accomplishment. And I'm proud of it...oh yeah, and it's my birthday.

another day

I had to talk myself out of bed this morning. I almost didn't get up to go for a bike ride. I so wanted to sleep for just a bit longer. But then I remembered the chips I ate last night and how they made me feel ill and I told myself that I'd be sure to get up and go for a bike ride to make it up to my body. So I dragged myself out of bed. I don't know why it's so hard to get out of bed. Once I am up and out the door I am always glad that I'm up and doing it. But the actual getting out of bed part is a killer. I love my sleep and I am not a natural morning person.
Now that I am starting to see some progress on the scale, I have a renewed desire to keep this up and to be even better than I have been. I want to keep seeing that number go down. I have goals to reach. I'm starting to see that maybe I'll be able to reach them after all.

3 weeks to go

Only three weeks left until the 5K race. Last week training was tojog for 4min and walk for 1 min repeated 7 times. During my Wednesday morning run I decided to run out the the half way mark to get an idea of how long it would take me to do the whole race. On the way back I could see that all I needed to do was run one more interval and I'd have run the full 5K. So I did it AND I didn't feel like I was going to die. I wasn't any faster than the first time I walk/jogged a 5K, but I wasn't struggling to finish either. It wasn't as hard as the first time, not by a long shot. So on my Friday morning jog I decided to just see how far I could jog with out stopping. I actually wished I had mapped out how far a full mile was, I kinda just guessed and ran out to that point(I was off by 0.1), I ran for a full 10minutes. I'm sure I could have gone longer, but I didn't want to push myself too hard, I was experiencing pain in my calf muscles and I wanted to be able to finish the days training and make it home. I think some time this week I'll just run a full mile just to see.
Today was a great day. I easily finished the days training, which is still the same as last week. I feel great. Pain wasn't too bad in my calves today. I'm always grateful for that. My knees are kinda achy, especially when I walk down stairs. So I'll have to be more diligent in the strength training to try to eliminate that pain. But all in all I am happy with how things are going.

A New Low

I stepped on the scale this morning...240.4!!!

That is all :)

This is hard

What is hard? everything.

Keeping this blog up to date is hard. I really wanted to keep this blog a daily thing, or at least a few times a week, but lately it's been more like a bi-weekly thing. I'll do better....I'll try to do better. Sometimes it is easier to just not write my thoughts, especially the negative ones. But, this is my journey and I do want to keep track of it, both the good and the bad.

Jogging is hard. But I am enjoying it. Most of the time. I still have the pain in my calf muscles, but I have learned how to manage it and keep it to a minimum as much as possible. Today a jogged another 5K just to see if I could. I jogged for 4 minutes and walked for 1 minute. I was pleasantly surprised that I could do it as easily as I did...even if I am slow. 41 minutes is better than not at all. The real Race day is coming up in a little more than 3 weeks. I was getting doubtful these past few days, that I'd even be able to do it. That is why I ran the extra bit this morning to make it a full 5K, I needed to know that I could do it with out dying. And I can, so I'm happy with that. I don't have any plans to be the one to come in first, or second, or even tenth. I just want to do it. To prove to myself that I can and then to simple say that I did.

Finding time to do all the strength training that I should is hard. I had planned to do it when I get home from my jog, but often as soon as I get home and get stretched the kids have swarmed around me and need me to feed them or do this or do that and so it gets put off and then most of the time it doesn't get done....I probably should be doing it right now, but instead I am using my free moments to make this post.

Losing weight is hard. Finally when I stepped on the scale last week I saw the numbers move. From 245 to 242. I didn't dare hope that it was real so I didn't record it. But then again this morning when I stepped on the scale it read 241.4. Oh blessed day. I really hope this is for real, that I am starting to see the weight come off. I am so tired of that number...stupid 245. I've been there for way too long, in spite of all my efforts. Do I dare hope that I'll continue to see that number drop over the rest of the summer?

I'm still here

I know it's been like...forever, since I posted here. Life is busy. And on top of that I've been trying to figure out what I need to do to overcome this intense pain in my calf muscles. I've been doing all kinds of reading on different possibilities on what is causing it and what to do about it. I took another two weeks off of jogging. I spent the time walking 5k and riding my bike for 10k. I found some stretches that are specific for runners and helping with the pain in my calves. Yesterday I jogged for the first time in two weeks....and it felt great. It was pain free!! So now I am feeling like this is possible. Which is a change from the past two weeks were I was kind of feeling defeated. That this goal of mine to run a 5K this summer was out of reach and maybe a little far fetched. But now I am feeling like I really will be able to do this. I'll be jogging again in the morning, and I am hoping that it will go as well as yesterdays jog did. Hopefully onward and upward from here.

The beiginning of the 5K running training program

Well hello all my faithful readers....oh wait...that's right,there aren't any :) It's just me and my thoughts out here. Well regardless I have to apologize for being away for so long. It's been one week short of a month since I last posted anything. After I ran/walked my first 5K, I took two weeks off of jogging. I was still trying to get some walking in. but I really wanted to let my shins and knees heal before continuing on in the quest for my 5K race. this past week I started jogging again to see where I was at. I was pleased to see that I hadn't slowed down any. I bought some new shoes, so we'll see if that helps in the sore knee department.
Unfortunately I am still sitting at the same weight that I was when I started this whole thing. That's right, I haven't lost a pound at all. It seems to me that I am doomed to remain 245lbs forever. I can not accept this. However, I can not be discouraged either. So today I have decided to get back into tracking everything that I am eating to see where I am going wrong. I have also decided that I will ride my bike on the days that I am not jogging AND that I WILL do some strength training everyday. The plan is to get up at 6am instead of 6:30am to fit in some strength training when I get back from my jog or bike ride...that didn't go so well today. I turned off my alarm and was just going to lay in bed for a few minutes, but I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 6:30am when my baby boy started crying...a good thing too, because I would have just kept on sleeping.
So onward and upward. lets hope I start to see some results in the very near future.

5K-W5-D3, RACE DAY!!!

Today was race day. Today I finished my first virtual 5K(3.1mile) race. I made it! I completed the training and I am amazed at how far I have come in 5 weeks.

The first week's goal was to jog for 1 minute and then walk for 4 minutes(repeat 5 times). JOG FOR 1 MINUTE! That just about killed me. Sad, I know. Each week I would jog for 30 seconds more and walked less. Each week I thought I'd never make it to the next week. But at the beginning of each week I was surprised to see that I could indeed run for the required amount of time. Day 3 was always the toughest, and I was sure that I'd never be able to add 30 seconds for the next week. But I continued to surprise myself and now I can pretty easily jog for a full 3 minutes.

This past week the muscles in my calves and shins were so tight and sore. I was starting to think that I wasn't going to be able to race today. Wednesday I wasn't able to finish the last interval of running because the pain was so bad. Thursday I woke up with a wicked sinus cold. The fates seemed to be aligned against me. But I pushed forward. I wont lie. It was hard work this morning. My muscles in my calves hurt...a lot. But I was determined to do this. And do it I did! I wasn't fast. 41:30. But I did it. And I noticed that after I had jogged for 3 minutes, I still had more left in me and I could jog for even longer. This gives me great courage for when I start training to run the full 5K. I'm taking a week or two off of jogging to let my muscles heal. I'll keep up walking and riding my bike in place of my regular walk/jog in the mornings. Hopefully after a week or two my legs will feel better and I'll be ready to start in on the next level.

The only frustration I have in the whole thing is that over the past 5 weeks, I haven't lost a single pound. Not ONE! It makes me angry to think about it. So I try not to. I just keep focusing on the goal at hand, to run a full 5k, and I now know I can do it!

5K-W5-D1

Another fabulous morning. Today I was able to jog for 3 minutes!! This is really impressive. I can't believe that I have come as far as I have. This Friday is supposed to be race day, but I am feeling hesitant about doing it that day because day 3 of every week is always a killer. So I was thinking that I would do it on the Monday instead. However, I have learned a few tricks that might help me get through the sluggish Friday training, so we'll see what happens. Not much else to report today. I'm feeling good and ready for the week to come.

5K-W4-D2

OUCH! Holy guacamole! I hurt today. I spent the day on Monday doing some fairly heavy duty yard work and moving quite a few good sized rocks around my yard. I sure felt it yesterday and even more today as I slowly made my way around the track. I was very slow today, but I got it done and will be moving on.

5K-W4-D1

I SURVIVED! And not only did I survive, but it was absolutely amazing! What a feeling. I honestly didn't think that I would be able to complete today's training(walk for 2 minutes/jog for 2.5 minutes). Last week it was tough enough to finish 2 minutes of jogging...adding another 30 seconds seemed impossible. But I did it! And I didn't die! AND I look forward to doing it again! If it feels this amazing to accomplish this small feat, I can't wait for race day! It should be an incredible day!

I found a few articles on sparkpeople.com that should help with my achy knees. I was excited to find "11 exercises to decrease knee pain" and "6 stretches every runner should know". I've added these to my stretching and strength training routines. I also read an article about running technique, so today I was conscious about working on these techniques to improve my running experience. For more running info, sparkpeople has so much more here. I look forward to reading more and learning more. I feeling like I can really do this now that I am finding some answers and possible solutions.

5K-W3-D3

I was so going to die this morning. Today's training was to walk for 3 minute and jog for 2 minutes and repeat 6 times. OH. MY. WORD.  I can't tell you how hard that was.....and how incredibly slow I am. I have no idea how I am ever going to be able to accomplish next weeks training. Next week I am supposed to run more than I walk. Hahahaha....really? Oh boy. Monday I will attempt to walk for 2 minutes and jog for 2.5 minutes and repeat 5 times. Even if I do make it through, it will likely be at a snails pace. Better that than not at all I guess. But I would like to get faster...but that is likely to completely do me in at this point. I think I'll take a week or so in between this program and the jogging program to just repeat the last week of this program and work on getting faster. Does that make any sense??? Whatever, I think I know what I am talking about.
In other news, I got some superfeet insoles and I started strength training on Thursday. I really hope this helps prevent my achy knees and shins. I don't want something like that to be the cause of me not being able to reach my goal of running a 5K race this summer.

NOT ONE STINKIN' POUND!!!

Three weeks into the 5K your way training program and I haven't lost a single pound. NOT ONE! Are you kidding me? What the heck am I doing wrong? It is a really good thing that I have another goal in mind besides just losing the weight, because at this point I start to feel like everything I am doing isn't even making a difference so why am I putting myself through it? If I do nothing and stay the same weight or I work my butt off and I still stay the same weight, I might as well be doing nothing. OK, so that isn't the best logic, but it is how I start to feel when the I can't get those numbers to budge. Yes, the other day I posted about my new jeans and the three quarters of an inch that I have lost on my waist and hips, but seriously, why aren't those numbers on the scale moving? I'm sick and tired of this. I just want to see results. Like I said, it is a good thing that I have another goal I am working towards. I won't quit until I have run that 5K on Bonanza Day on July 30th, and hopefully even then I'll want to keep it up, maybe I'll start training for something bigger. If I continue to have something other than losing this weight to work for, maybe I can keep myself going regardless of what the scale says.

5K-W3-D3

Wow! I thought I was going to die this morning with my first jogging steps. First of all it was super hard to get myself out of bed, and then I couldn't stop yawning all the way to the track. My knees and shins are starting to ache. I'm not sure if it is my shoes, my weight, or that maybe I just need to add some strength training on a regular basis. Maybe it's a combination of it all. Since my weight is an issue that is going to take some time, I figure I can easily address the other two. My hubby suggested that before I invest $$ into a new pair of runners when mine are less than a year old, that maybe all I need are some "superfeet" insoles. He swears by them. So, I'll make some time to go to Lethbridge and stop by his work to get fitted up for some. Today I started a strength training program. I've always had a hard time making extra time to do strength training. But now that I am getting up earlier in the morning to go jogging, I figure that I should easily be able to add an extra 15 minutes of strength training in too. We'll see if this makes a difference.

Some Success

OK, so the scale may not be my friend. But there is no denying that I have had some success when I see this.

So, I'll just keep working away, doing what I am doing, and one day when I step on that scale, the numbers will be different.

5K-W3-D1 (and W2-D3)

I honestly didn't think I was going to be able to do the required jogging for today(walk 3min, jog 2min 5 times). I struggled with Day 3 last week(walk 3min, jog 1.5min 6 times). It was hard and I was slow. Today wasn't much different. But I was surprised that it didn't seem any harder than Day 3 last week and by the end of it, I was feeling pretty good. I'm really enjoying doing this. It's a great challenge and I am really looking forward to the rewarding experience of running a full 5K in the summer. I'm going to splurge on some really good shoes so I don't completely destroy my knees. I bought some pretty good shoes last year, but I'm thinking I need to get a little higher end shoe if I am really going to have success at this. So when I head to Spokane later in May, I'll see what I can find.

5K-W2-D2

Oh, thank heavens! This was about to be a seriously depressing post. Nearly 2 weeks into my 5K training and I stepped on the scale today and it still says 245lbs. I am beginning to feel that I am destined to forever be this weight. No matter how hard I try that number just doesn't want to budge. I felt like crying. It seems as though the only way for me to shed the weight is to literally starve myself, and lets be honest, I ain't going to do that. But then I thought I'd better measure myself. I was super scared to do it. If the numbers were the same then I would really have cause to cry. But, glory be! I have lost partial inches all around!!

my new numbers are as follows
Waist 45.25"
Hips 50.25"
Bust 47"
My original number can be found here.

5K-W2-D1

I was supposes to train yesterday. but since my hubby left at 5am, I couldn't very well go out at 6:30am and leave the kids. And there was no way I was getting up at 4:30am to get it done. So today it was.

It was cold this morning. I had figured by starting training for  the 5K in April I would miss all the cold well below 0C mornings. But this is not the case. So far only one morning has the temperature reached above 0C.  I can only hope that soon Spring will actually arrive. However in spite of the cool temperature this morning it was beautiful. I love the feeling of the sun coming up over the horizon. And although I did not get as much sleep last night as I would have liked to, I am feeling pretty good this morning. I hope to see some change on the scale soon, or at least in my measurements. On top of training for the 5K, the girls and I have also taken on a flyer route. We deliver to all of Milk River. The first week(last week) it took us a total of 5 hours and we walked about 5 miles. I've been trying to eat smart. I haven't been tracking my food, I've just been trying really hard at eating what I know I should be eating and the right amounts and leaving out the stuff I know I shouldn't eat. I know that I will not track what I eat for the rest of my life, so I've decided that I've got to be smart on my own. This shouldn't be hard. I know what and how much of things I should be eating. I've lost weight before with out tracking everything, I can do it again.

OK, this post was a bit all over the place. Just babbling through stuff that was on my mind I guess.

5K-W1-D3

I felt like I had bricks tied to my feet today. I was slower than normal...not that I can claim to be fast...at all. But it's all good. I'm loving this. It's so nice to have a goal. Not just a goal like "I'll exercise for 30 minutes three times a week". But a goal to actually run 5K in a race. That I can work towards. I can keep my eye on that prize. It helps having a training plan to follow. Another goal that I've set for myself is to climb Chief Mountain with my husband this summer. I wasn't doing very good at getting ready for that. I think that doing this training for  a 5K race is a great way for me to get ready for it, don't you?

This summer is going to be a good one. If all goes as planned it will be the first time I climb Chief Mountain and the first time that I have attempted any kind of really hike since getting married(10 years). It will also be the first time that I run in a race. I am so looking forward to it all!

5K- W1-D2

Why is it when you are trying to make a change for good, something always tries to get in the way and make it all that more difficult to do what you are trying to do?

Case in point. This week I started doing this 5K your way thing. Day one went great. Today...much more difficult. My darling little boy decided that he was going to be a rascal from about 3am until 6:30am when I planned to get up and go for my walk/jog. I still got up and did it. But now I am so stinking tired. It would have been so nice to just stay in bed for another hour. My only consolation is that I know very well that even if I had stayed in bed, I would still be just as tired as I am now.

But, it was a gorgeous morning, and I enjoyed my time alone in silence. I didn't even see one single person. It was just me and the cool crisp air. Felt good. Now I just need a nap.

5K-W1-D1

I started training to run a 5K race today. Starting out easy. I'm following the 5K your way challenge on sparkpeople. Instead of laying out the whole plan here, I'll just leave a link and then lay out the basic idea.
So go here to find the training options. I have chosen to start out with the jog/walk plan and once I complete this I'll move on to the running plan. I could just do the rookie running plan, but I want to be sure that I'm not overdoing it. After all I don't exactly have what one would call a "runner's body".  The basic idea is that I'll walk/jog in intervals with the jogging intervals gradually increasing 3 times a week for the next 5 weeks. By the end of 5 weeks I should be able to walk for 2min and jog for 3 for an entire 5K(3.1 miles). My ultimate goal is to run in the Milk River Bonanza Day 5K  road race this August long weekend.

This morning I got up at 6:30am(a huge deal for me) and head out to the High School track. It was a beautiful morning. Just a little crisp, and the sun was just coming up over the horizon. Today's goal was to walk for 4 minutes and then jog for 1 minute and repeat it 4 times. I discovered that this is much more easily done when I'm not pushing the chariot stroller with 80lbs of kids in it. I feel great this morning. I have so much energy right now. I thought to myself as I headed back home, that if it feels this great every morning, then it will be easy to keep it up. It's certainly nice to get off to a great start. I look forward to Wednesdays walk/jog.

a week

A whole week has gone by since I have written a post. So much for my daily posts. I don't even know where that week went. I can tell you that I didn't do anything worth reporting. My scale has been stuck at 245(morning weigh ins). Basically I have been stuck here since November. I keep telling myself that this means I need to take drastic measures. But nothing ever really changes. Some days I feel like I am never going to reach my goals. Other days I feel like I can do anything. But here's the thing, regardless of how dedicated I am from day to day, that number on the scale isn't budging. It is hard to keep it all up, when the results aren't there. I'm not making excuses, I'm just voicing frustration. I want to find a life style that I can live in, from now on and forever. I know that fitting 60 minutes of exercises in everyday from here on out and forever just isn't realistic. Not with 4 kids and a bazillion other things that need to be done everyday. Even if I were to somehow find a way to do that now, I know that it would not be something that I could keep up forever. So then when I cut back, I'd be afraid that all that I worked for would too easily be for not. But I obviously I have figure out how to fit in more exercise, because the 10- minutes a day that I was doing wasn't making any difference. So what is my magic number? How am I ever going to get out of this stupid rut? Last fall I made a goal to climb Chief Mountain with my husband this summer. I planned to get into better shape, and to loose about 25 pounds. That was 6 months ago, and I've only lost about 7 lbs, and honestly I don't believe I could even get close to the top of that mountain right now. I have A LOT of work to do in the next 4 months, if I am going to make it. Sometimes I just don't feel like I have it in me. Some days I just don't care. And then on most days lately I simply feel hopeless. I don't like feeling this way. I want to feel positive. I want to feel like I can do it all, that I will reach my goals. I need something. I don't yet know what. But I do. Something to give me hope and that inner strength. Because, as of right now, I simply feel like this is dumb. really really dumb....so far I have disappointed myself...and I feel as though if I don't succeed, I will have disappointed my husband....and that all just sucks, and makes me want to cry.

Slacker

I've been slacking off. I haven't been keeping track of what I have been eating. That's not to say that I have been eating junk. I have still been trying to eat smart. I was sick for a few days, and that always puts a kink in habits. I'll need to get back on track this week. If I'm ever going to reach my goal, I need to be consistent. Some times I get impatient and just want to see massive results right NOW. But I know that slow and steady is better...and that again is where consistency comes into play.

tonight the scale reads 248lbs. I don't like that number. I'll step on the scale in the morning(that is when I usually try to do it) and see if it makes a difference.

When will it be spring??

The weather is kinda sorta warming up-ish. The snow covered streets and sidewalks have mostly melted clear. And the temperature has been hovering around 0C, give or take a few degrees. This means that I can venture out side for some exercise. Yesterday I just had the two youngest ones, so I put them both in the Chariot stroller and we headed out for a walk. How refreshing to be outside instead of inside riding my bike...but not actually going anywhere. I can't wait for spring weather to really arrive. I really want to ride my new bike outside, and go for the walks in the morning with the sunrise. Yes, I'm dying to have warm weather. We better get a stinking hot summer after this cold and windy winter we've had. I think we deserve it.

Really?

OK, so now I have a wicked sinus cold. I'm all stuffed up and I've got a head ache. FA.BU.LOUS!
And to top it all off, it has snowed again. ROAR. Where is spring??? Oh well, I'll go shovel the driveways and sidewalk and I'll count it as my exercise for the day. At least it is only -2C. I have to admit, it does look pretty outside. But I would rather be cleaning up my gardens as exercise instead of shoveling snow....again!

That is all.

Keeping it all up

How does one find the time to do all that needs to be done to have success at losing weight?

When I am actively keeping track of everything I eat, and how much water I am drinking, then I generally start to see the lbs come off. But lets be honest, this takes time. And when you add in the time for exercise, and strength training, this all starts to add up. I do really great for a week or two at a time, and then I start to sluff off. Is it really because it is hard to find the time? Or is it really because I figure that I have it figured out? that because I have been eating just the right things for 2 weeks that I don't need to keep track any more?

If I am being completely honest, I believe that it is that latter possibility. And as I sit here typing this, I realize that it is possible that the reason that I see the lbs come off when I am keeping track is because it isn't as easy to cheat yourself when you are writing down everything. But as soon as I stop, for some reason it is so much easier to just eat that extra cookie, or chocolate bar, or what ever it is that I know I shouldn't indulge in...especially late at night. It's the holding yourself accountable, I suppose that keeps one honest.

So I'll quit complaining about not having time and just do it. After all I said I was committed to this. I will accept no excuses, only results...right? that is what I said a few posts ago? right! So, I'm done with the excuses today.

bah!

Hear I am at the end of the day, and some how I have managed to avoid my 10 minutes of exercise. Can you believe it? I know, me neither. I did however get my kitchen looking decent. I took a little nap. Did some sewing. Played a board game with my three year old and held my baby. So it's no like I didn't do anything. I just avoided the exercise. Oh, well. Tomorrow is another day.

progress

For the past little while I've been riding my stationary bike for 10 minutes at least 5 times a week. It is hard to convince yourself that you don't have time for 10 minutes on the bike. I try to make the most of this 10 minutes by riding hard for 1 min and then slowing down for 30 seconds. I repeat this until the 10 minutes is up. I also include a 2 minute warm up and cool down.

Today I felt like 10 minutes wasn't quiet enough, but I hadn't left myself time to ride any longer than that. Tomorrow I will ride for 15 minutes. We are heading out for Family Pictures with this fabulous photographer. I am so very excited. And with that, I better get going.



ps. The scale read 244 this morning.

This is me

March 11 2011

My scale says 247lbs, I am 5'8" tall.
My measurements are as follows
Waist 46"
Hips 51"
Bust 49"

These numbers have been about the same since November 21st 2010. The scale has risen and fallen between 241lbs and 248lbs. but generally in the 245lb range. I think that it is obvious that I am in a rut.

That is one of the reasons why I started this blog. I wanted to get myself thinking about this daily, not just thinking about it, because really I do anyways. But thinking about new and creative ways to get myself out of this rut...to move onward and upward(or downward if we are talking about the numbers on the scale). To report to someone(or no one) out there in bloggerland. But just writing it out helps in making that commitment again each day.

I stumbled across this quote once that really struck me

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it is convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results." Kenneth Blanchard

I haven't a clue who he is, but I liked his quote.

Speaking of commitment...I better go ride my stationary bike now while baby is sleeping.

I hate trying to lose weight.

I have nothing against eating healthier, exercising regularly, and all around trying to live healthier. What I hate, is not seeing results. I hate it when I work my butt off, and then step on the scale only to see that it hasn't moved a bit in the past week. I know, I know, the numbers on the scale aren't everything. But common! They do mean a LOT. Losing inches is great. But even at times it seems those numbers aren't moving either. At times, for just a moment, I wonder why I am even trying. But then the better part of me reminds myself that this isn't going to happen all at once. It took 10 years to get here, it's going to take some time to reverse it. I can do this. I know I can and I will.

In other news....

I've been debating whether or not to use this blog or to just use the blog I have over at sparkpeople.com. I've been using this free site to track my meals and fitness activities. It has a blog feature. I have written a few entries. I hesitate, because sometimes it gets tiring having other people who are all really actively, nearly obsessed with weight loss posting comments. For some reason this can at times irritate me. It's not that I don't want people to comment. I LOVE comments. But I don't love comments that are the same old "you can do this" jargon. I get tired of the things people just say to make you feel better. What I want in a comment is something that is meaningful, inspiring, intriguing, thoughtful.
Another reason to use this blog is so that if I choose, I can more easily share this with my family and friends. Right now, I don't know if I am ready to do that. I like the anonymity of just writing to the blogging universe. Maybe somebody stumbles upon it, maybe they don't. But if I really want to keep myself honest, it may be helpful to have friends and family reading along, cheering me on. But then they would also have access to all my deep dark secrets when it comes to my attempt to lose this weight.

whatever happens, wish me luck

Hello???

Is there anybody out there?

I'm starting a new blog.

Why?

Well I am hoping to use this as a tool to keep me accountable.

Accountable to what?

I have a goal. I have reached a weight that I am not happy with. I have put on 60lbs in the past 10 years with the help of four pregnancies. It is time to lose these 60lbs and I want to do it before February 2012. I feel this is a reasonable goal.

I vow to post everyday. I will report what I have done that day to get a step closer to my goal. I will post about successes, failures, frustrations and pick me ups. I will be 100% honest with you and with myself. I will lay it all out there.

I don't know who will read this. I don't know if anybody else cares. But I need to make a change. And maybe, just maybe there will be somebody out there who will comment, who will say just what I needed to hear that day that will keep me going just one more day. Maybe new blogger friends will be made. Or maybe I'll just be talking to myself day in and day out. Whatever the case, I'll consider it therapy.

Will you join me in my journey?