a week

A whole week has gone by since I have written a post. So much for my daily posts. I don't even know where that week went. I can tell you that I didn't do anything worth reporting. My scale has been stuck at 245(morning weigh ins). Basically I have been stuck here since November. I keep telling myself that this means I need to take drastic measures. But nothing ever really changes. Some days I feel like I am never going to reach my goals. Other days I feel like I can do anything. But here's the thing, regardless of how dedicated I am from day to day, that number on the scale isn't budging. It is hard to keep it all up, when the results aren't there. I'm not making excuses, I'm just voicing frustration. I want to find a life style that I can live in, from now on and forever. I know that fitting 60 minutes of exercises in everyday from here on out and forever just isn't realistic. Not with 4 kids and a bazillion other things that need to be done everyday. Even if I were to somehow find a way to do that now, I know that it would not be something that I could keep up forever. So then when I cut back, I'd be afraid that all that I worked for would too easily be for not. But I obviously I have figure out how to fit in more exercise, because the 10- minutes a day that I was doing wasn't making any difference. So what is my magic number? How am I ever going to get out of this stupid rut? Last fall I made a goal to climb Chief Mountain with my husband this summer. I planned to get into better shape, and to loose about 25 pounds. That was 6 months ago, and I've only lost about 7 lbs, and honestly I don't believe I could even get close to the top of that mountain right now. I have A LOT of work to do in the next 4 months, if I am going to make it. Sometimes I just don't feel like I have it in me. Some days I just don't care. And then on most days lately I simply feel hopeless. I don't like feeling this way. I want to feel positive. I want to feel like I can do it all, that I will reach my goals. I need something. I don't yet know what. But I do. Something to give me hope and that inner strength. Because, as of right now, I simply feel like this is dumb. really really dumb....so far I have disappointed myself...and I feel as though if I don't succeed, I will have disappointed my husband....and that all just sucks, and makes me want to cry.